First Grave – Deleted Scene 1 (Interrogation)

In my first draft, the interrogation scene in the police station went very differently. Then I decided we wanted to actually like Julio Ontiveros, so I changed it. But here’s the original:

SET UP: Charley is going to interrogate a possible witness to a homicide, much to the chagrin of an extremely skeptical sergeant and a worried uncle.

* * *

I walked into the observation room with Uncle Bob hot on my tail.

“You have to turn off the speakers,” I said over my shoulder. “I need to talk to him alone.”

“No way,”

“Please, Uncle Bob. What’s it going to hurt?”

“If she gets this thing thrown out on a technicality…”

Uncle Bob tossed Sgt. Dwight a glare, then stepped past him to do as I’d asked.

Ontiveros  leaned back in his chair and let his eyes scan every inch of me. “Damn, girl, where you been all my life?”

“And what a nasty life it’s been,” I said, easing into the chair opposite him. “They turned off all the listening and recording equipment. We can talk freely.”

He leaned over the table. “I got two words for you, Sancha. Lap dance.”

I pressed my lips together then leaned in. “Look, we don’t have time for this crap, okay?”

“There’s always time for a lap dance. And I just happen to have a lap, waiting for an ass like yours to sit in it. Wait.” I watched as recognition took hold. “You tried to tackle me,” he said.

“I didn’t try to tackle you. You flew out of that house like a bat outta hell. Then you tackled me.”

“Oh, right,” he said, pretending to miraculously remember the facts. “You felt good. Wanna fuck?”

I opened the file I’d brought in. “Maybe some other time.”

He shrugged. “Your loss.”

His departed aunt was watching. She didn’t need to see this. I leaned in again, trying to gain his confidence. “Listen, seriously. They have your prints.”

He grinned. “They don’t have shit.”

“Let me guess. You wiped the bullets off before you put them in the gun, right? Just in case you missed a shell casing. Wouldn’t want our fingerprints to be connected to the crimes…”

He stilled, tucked away all facial expression, anything that might give something away.

“They don’t want you to know this yet, but they found one. A shell casing.”

He sat motionless.

“You missed one, right? The female, Elizabeth Ellery. When you shot her, you lost a casing. But that was okay because you’d wiped them down.” I leaned in further. “They have new technology, Ontiveros. They can still lift the print, and that’s exactly what they did.”

“Bullshit.”

I slipped an article straight out of Time magazine across the desk. The title read New Fingerprint Technology Brings Criminals to Justice.

“They’re going for the death penalty. They just want you to dig your grave a little deeper, superglue their case shut. That’s why you haven’t been arrested yet. How do you think we found you?” I was so going to hell for lying.

His Tia Rosa walked up behind me and put her cold hand on my shoulder. “He’s a good boy,” she said, a sadness in her voice. “He just doesn’t know it.”

I decided not to argue. “I can get the death penalty off the table, if you’ll just help me.”

“Tell him,” Rosa said.

I eyed her doubtfully. I didn’t have time for this, but if it would help him open up. “Julio, I’m about to tell you something that might be a little hard to swallow.”

“I got something for you to swallow.”

“Your Tia Rosa sent me.”

He balked, eyed me as though I were a charlatan, which in most people’s eyes, I was.

“She wants me to remind you of your agreement. To take care of your nephew Anthony.”

“How do you know about Anthony?”

“I don’t. But your aunt told me he’s been arrested and is facing a long and healthy life in prison. If I can get the charges dropped and get him into rehab, will you cooperate then?”

I could feel his struggle. He almost wanted to believe me, the carrot I dangled so juicy. “I want it in writing.”

“Deal.”